This is my video of my song Forgiveness! It took me a long time to write it. It came to life 3 years ago in an apartment in Oslo, where I was finishing my album. It was around Christmas, the perfect time to reflect on this theme and write what I had learned rationally, but now finally understood on an emotional level as well. Funny how you can read all about forgiveness and think: ‘yeah it makes sense’ but you are not ready to really feel what it means. And then one day it hits you hard. Or to read a quote that suddenly takes your breath away ‘cause you finally understand the depth of it on a deeper level. I finally understood how I had tried to control the external and hurt myself and others while doing it. I needed to look inward. As all spiritual practices recommend:) This is my closure in the form of a wonderful videoclip.
We worked hard on it with a great team. Director Yani and I had some inspiring, energetic meetings and he came up with the idea of me on a boat in the middle of a storm. We found team CAPTCHA to create a computer generated sea. (Just so you know: it takes up to 4 hours to render one wave, so you can imagine how long it took to finish this video!) For me the boat that just stays there while the sea is roaring represents the power a human being has to take control of his or her own life. Stay strong! The sea is the everlasting external event that will shake your core over and over until you are ready to let things just pass through you, instead of locking up the pain inside you and remaining unaware of the blisters in there that might cause you to react from a hurt place instead of that empowered place. Yvonne Nüssdorfer did my make up, which we wanted to be very dramatic, like a warrior, still struggling. Karin Giphart took great care of me as a my personal assistant, Cindy Pols cooked great food for us great food, Jools was there to help, all in a studio in Almere. I will be posting some pictures behind the scene soon, so you can see what it was all about to make this video.
And now let me quote the wonderful Nick Cave who wrote to a fan on his touching Red Hand Files: ‘I would try to see the idea of forgiveness as an act of insubordination, a non-compliance to the forces of malevolence, a recognition that you will not be defined by the offence that has been inflicted upon you. See forgiveness as a gift, not to the person who has committed the injury, but to yourself, in the form of self-protection. The sooner you start the process, the less time you may spend imprisoned by resentment and bitterness, hopefully moving toward a more resilient self. To try and fail is in itself a form of betterment. There are times forgiveness is beyond us but still we must reach, still we must strive.’
CREDITS
Concept and direction : yani (yanipictures)
Art direction : Roland Mylanus
Camera : Piotr Kukla
Production : Stefanie Rietkerk ( Artcore)
Edit : Govert Janse
Postproduction :
HUGE THANK YOU to:
CAPTCHA Captcha
Marcel Oudendijk
Barry Clarke
Daniel van der Kaaden
Rolf van Slooten
Qianwei Tong
Gregoire Verweijen
Make up and hair: Yvonne Nüssdorfer
Also a big thank you to Karin Giphart, Cindy Pols, Jools!
Recorded by: Jan Kühn, Tobias Fröberg
Mixed by: Tobias Fröberg
Additional recordings horns: Jan Hoogerheide
Mastering: Pete Maher
Music written by M. Sjoerdsma:
Margriet Sjoerdsma: vocals & piano
Louk Boudesteijn: trombone
Pablo Martínez: bass trombone
Romain Bly: french horn
Music & lyrics by Margriet Sjoerdsma
I can’t heal the heart that longs to stay broken
But doesn’t know it
That’s been cut open
By too many words unspoken
It was left with
Expectations and their disappointments
It’s hard to hold my hand
I pulled it back so many times
‘Cause not everything I say or do somehow relates to you
I was so bitter, I’d reconsider
Again
But this time it’s with love
This time it’s with love
I still sometimes think you
Should have been wiser
Should have been stronger
Should have been bolder
But I’ve gotten older
And I got wiser
So maybe one day I will let my heavy head hang on
your old and fragile shoulder
And this time it’s with love
And may I add: Christmas time can be a tough time. Maybe this is your first Christmas without your parents, your husband, your wife, a friend, maybe even your child. It can be one of the loneliest days of the year. Take care of yourself, my friends.
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